Meet Potter, Voldie!
by Food Fight
Summary: Harry finds out about Voldemort's deepest, darkest secret. Come with the pair on a journey of hiding things and figuring them out. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

_Tom,_

_I'm coming to get you, and you can't stop me. I know your secret, and am about to desroy you forever. Um, insert scary threats here, please. Anyway, watch out. Mwahahahaha. HA!_

_**H.P.**_

The letter flew out of Voldemort's hands, gracefully falling to the cold, cement ground. How had Potter known of his secret? He had given it the best protection possible, going through hundreds of dusty volumes to find every spell to guard it. How had the stupid boy found out?

That moment, Lucius Malfoy strode in, walking the pompous strut that Voldemort had hated so much. But, he did not notice, for his rage was overcoming him.

"AVADA KADAVRA!" he yelled.

Ah, that felt good. Malfoy Sr. fell to the ground in a heap, with a completely bewildered look on his face. Voldie just had to take it out on some one. Now, with a clear head, he could think.


	2. Chapter 2

Voldemort strode through the HOVDADSAMSYWHTFTOM (HALL OF VOLDEMORT'S DEEPEST AND DARKEST SECRETS AND MORE SO YOU WILL HAVE TO FIGURE THEM OUT MWAHAHAHAHA) . He was looking for his Demenor. It has the ability to track down who knows which of his secrets. He could not find it, so he was very displeased. Then, Bellatrix Lestrange came in at a smart pace.

"Oh, Master!" she squeled. "I had the most wonderful dream. You and I wereat a beach at dusk. There was a pretty sunset, and all of a sudden, you came running towards me, with your arms out like you wanted to hug me, and then—"

"AVADA KADAVRA!" Voldemort screeched.

Bellatrix kneeled over, her face of pure delight. She must have been very happy to be murdered by the man of her dreams. Meanwhile, Moldy-Shorts was pacing.

"I must _mumble mumble_ him and _mumble_ so that he _mumble_ _mumble_ and _mumble_. Let me get to work on the _mumble_ and the _mumble_. " he muttered to himself.

Voldemort grinned. Harry James Potter was gonna be a "bye- bye birdy!" soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry grinned. Voldemort was defenceless against him now, as weak and pitful as he himself had been back in the day. He rubbed his hands to gether, and called out into the huge house of Black, a.k.a. Number 12 Grim. Place.

"Mionie? Ron? Are you guys packed and ready yet?"

They were on their way out to find Voldie's new hiding place, or as he would put it, "Fortress of Doom" . At first, Harry had been quite alarmed, but remember that this was Voldemort, you know the evil cyco-creep, that he was talking about. Plus, this was not evan close to being as weird as this one conversation he once had with 'Mione…

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_Harry! Omigosh, Draco, the hideous thing just asked me out!"_

"_No, way! Well you know, they do say opposites attract…look at my Mum and Dad."_

"_Do you know what that means?"_

"_No, what?"_

"_Well, who hates your guts and tries to kill you all the time?"_

"_You mean….."_

"_Yup. You-Know-Who wants you!"_

_That is where he took off screaming and yelling at random dudes._

Anyway, on with the story. Did you know that this is the longest fic I have written so far. And—oh, you wanted to read the rest of the story. Oh, I understand. You just don't like me. B-b-b-b-ut…waaaaaaa!! (insert sobbing here) Okay, fine (mumbles about how people don't care about her, the author with close to no reviews, and how she was going to have her revenge, oh yes…does Kreature still have that dagger?)

Harry was "Off to see the wizard" . He was very pleased, very pleased indeed, with his success. He did not see any loop-holes in this plan. Unless—no, Harry shook that thought out of his head. Moldy-Shorts would never find that minor offset in their mission. He was not even close to being smart enough.


	4. Author's Note, Mega Importent

Okay, guys, I'm exasted. Three chapters in one day, come on, gimme a break! Any way, down to the real deal,

_**DISCLAIMER:**__ YUP, IT'S ME! J.K. ROWLING IS A TIRED, GEEKY GAL SITTING AT HER COMPUTER ALL NIGHT LONG DREAMMING OF ONE DAY BECOMING THE NEXT GREAT EINSTIEN OR THAT MICROSOFT GUY, BILL SOMETHING? ANYWAY REVIEW IF YOU KNOW HIS NAME. YEAH SUCKER, IM JOANNE! (DELUSIONAL, THEY ARE _CHUCKLES_)_

Thank you, to both of my reviewers. A big shout out to y'all. Without you gals or guys, what evs, I would not have published so much stuffs. THANKS!!

Now, o delutional peeps in a cheep, um, deep, sleep, REVIEW!!

By the way, my name is Food. I am the author of all the stories exept Musical Maddness. It was written by Fight. Read it, it's awesome!

Ciao for Now (that rymes, teeheehee),

Food


	5. Chapter 5

Harry trudged up the mountain, his feet burning with the pain of blisters on its heel. Walking hundreds of thousands of miles with little rest was no easy feat. They had almost walked the distance of San Francisco to Sacramento. Finally, he was rewarded. He yelled at the top of his coarse voice for Ron and Mione. They were behind, holding each other's hands and whispering things to each other and laughing. They looked so cute, he did not want to disturb them.

Harry sighed. 'Forget them' he thought.

Harry had seen Moldy-Boxer's hideout. It was kinda hard to miss. It had a neon blinking sign that said "Lord Voldemort's Home Deathly Home" and a smaller pink one that said "I Do Not Like Peoples to Irritate My Sheer Awesomeness". Harry sighed. Voldemort was such a stupid guy. Harry had REALLY wanted a challenge.

'Hey, that's not normal' Harry thought. Harry rubbed his eyes, for he could not believe what he saw. Yes, he was right! Hey! Voldemort was stanting outside, doing the…

"Hey Macarena, Macarena, Macarena! Hey! Macarena!"

Harry shielded his eyes. After putting on his Block-Moldy's-Weirdness Goggles, he ran towards Lord Moldy screaming his head off. Moldy did the same, running towards Harry. They both crashed into each other.

"Yo, Voldy. I'm here to duel with you and then spill the beans."

"Oh, you're, like, soooooooo, like, totally, on!"

A/N

I really need a BETA READER, so if you guys could vouch to help me, I would me really thankful to Madame Dee, CutewithAcapital-Q, and EowynsPen for reviewing. Review and you get a mention!

Disclamer:

Not JKR. Deal.


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